Imagine you’re leading a team meeting when a colleague openly challenges your decision. A wave of frustration hits you: your anger rises, your expression tightens and your thoughts turn defensive. You might snap back, dismiss the criticism or spend the rest of the day replaying the confrontation. It’s easy to see how negative emotions cloud our judgement, damage relationships and pull us away from what matters.
But what if that same frustration could serve a useful purpose? What if the feelings we try so hard to avoid could sometimes help us become better leaders?
We’re often told that good leaders stay positive and calm. Psychological research tells a more complicated story. Negative emotions aren’t always harmful, and sometimes they help us notice problems, think more carefully and recognise when something needs to change. Learning to put a name to what we feel is part of it; the real challenge is understanding what those feelings are telling us and deciding what to do next.
How negative emotions can act as a spotlight
Think of negative emotions as a spotlight. When they run high, they focus and hold our attention on the issue in front of us, nudging us to examine the details and question our assumptions. Psychologists call this the cognitive-tuning function of negative emotions.
I’ve spent much of my academic career studying how emotions shape the way people think and behave at work. In a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, my colleagues and I found that energising negative emotions were linked with greater engagement in creative activities. Feeling frustrated or tense, in other words, doesn’t necessarily get in the way of creativity and may even draw people further into creative thinking. A later Human Relations study showed that negative emotions were more strongly tied to creative problem-solving among people who were motivated to learn and felt empowered.
Interestingly, the spotlight can shine for other people too. In a Journal of Organizational Behavior study, we found that seeing a coworker’s anger could, under certain conditions, prompt people to identify problems and work together to resolve them.
These findings challenge the idea that negative emotions are always damaging. Under the right circumstances they can encourage constructive thinking and problem-solving. The trouble with any spotlight, though, is that it lights up one problem while leaving the bigger picture in darkness. To make better use of what we feel, I encourage three simple practices in my leadership development work: Pause, Space and Safety.
Pause because your feelings may not tell the whole story
Imagine someone questions your decision. Your immediate reaction might be anger, along with the thought that they don’t respect your judgement. Is that necessarily true? Your colleague may have spotted a genuine concern, or they may simply have expressed themselves poorly.
Our emotions tell us that something matters, but not necessarily what is really happening. Before you react, name the feeling (I’m frustrated because I feel criticised) and then ask whether there could be another explanation. Even a short pause helps separate what happened from the meaning we’ve attached to it. The point isn’t to suppress your feelings but to stop your first reaction from making the decision for you.
Space gives you room to think more deeply
Once you’ve paused, consider what your emotions might be signalling. Suppose you’re anxious about an approaching deadline. Rather than telling yourself to stop worrying, ask what is driving the anxiety. Write the problem down, separate facts from assumptions and list the responses open to you. Doing this shifts your attention from the emotion itself to the problem behind it.
The next time a difficult situation leaves you frustrated or anxious, give yourself some mental space and ask:
- What is this emotion drawing my attention to?
- What is the real problem I need to address?
- How might this affect what we’re trying to achieve?
- What other perspectives or solutions might I be overlooking?
The goal isn’t to dwell on what troubles you. It is to use that discomfort to look at the problem more closely, weigh different perspectives and find a way forward.
Safety makes it possible to express difficult emotions
Negative emotions don’t only affect how we think. How we express them also shapes how others behave around us. Picture an employee bringing you disappointing news. You feel frustrated, perhaps even angry, and although you don’t mean to discourage them, a sharp reply or an impatient tone could make them think twice before raising a concern again.
Research on psychological safety highlights the value of workplaces where people feel safe to ask questions, admit mistakes and speak up about problems. You can be firm about a problem without making people afraid to discuss it, and regular one-to-ones are a good place to practise this. Instead of reacting with blame, try asking what happened, what you might be missing and how you can address it together.
There is one question leaders often overlook: after seeing my emotional response today, will people feel more or less comfortable bringing me difficult news tomorrow? Creating safety means making room for uncomfortable emotions and honest conversations, both for ourselves and for the people we lead.
A different way to think about negative emotions
Of course, persistent negative emotions can harm our well-being, our relationships and our judgement. We shouldn’t create them on purpose or assume that every unpleasant feeling hides a valuable lesson. Neither should we treat them all as enemies.
The next time an uncomfortable feeling arises, think of it as a spotlight. Ask what it is drawing your attention to and what you might be overlooking, then remember three simple words: Pause, Space, Safety. Good leadership isn’t about feeling positive all the time. It is about pausing before emotions shape our judgements, making space to turn discomfort into insight, and keeping it safe for ourselves and others to face difficult realities.
