Why do men avoid therapy
Why do men avoid therapy? Mostly because traditional ideas of masculinity teach men to be self-reliant, in control, and emotionally contained, so asking for help can feel like failing a test. Men who hold these beliefs more strongly tend to view therapy more negatively and feel more shame about seeking it. Practical, collaborative support helps lower that barrier.
The question is back in the headlines. In an interview with the Sunday Independent at the weekend, Derry City footballer James McClean said he had never tried therapy because, as a man, he would see it as a weakness. He added that he did not feel he needed to open up about his feelings. It is an honest answer, and it is one that a great many men would quietly recognise in themselves.
The response has been thoughtful rather than hostile. According to a BBC News report on the charity’s offer, Michael Lynch from Men’s Action Network in Derry said McClean was entitled to his views and that only the person themselves can decide whether support is right for them. He also said there is still a stigma that stops men saying “I am not OK”, that “asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness”, and the charity has offered to meet him.
How traditional masculinity shapes help-seeking
Psychologists use the term traditional masculinity for a set of expectations many boys absorb early: be tough, be independent, keep your feelings to yourself, solve your own problems, and never look vulnerable. These norms are not all bad. Self-reliance, persistence, and the drive to provide can be real strengths. The trouble starts when they are applied rigidly to emotional pain.
A 2025 meta-analysis in the International Journal of Psychology pulled together 35 samples on traditional masculinity and men’s help-seeking. Men who endorsed traditional masculinity more strongly held more negative attitudes towards psychological help (r = -0.379) and reported more self-stigma about seeking it (r = 0.351). In plain terms, there is a moderate link between buying into “real men cope alone” and steering clear of therapy, and it held whether the samples came from the US or elsewhere. Gender role conflict, the strain men feel when these rules clash with real life, showed similar patterns.
None of this means men do not struggle. Many show it differently, through irritability, anger, overwork, risk-taking, or drinking, rather than through sadness or tears. Those signs are easy to miss, including by the men themselves. The case for tackling men’s mental health has been made for years, yet the same barriers keep turning up.
How self-stigma keeps men out of the therapy room
Public stigma is what other people might think. Self-stigma is what you think of yourself if you seek help: that you are weak, broken, or less of a man. Self-stigma can be a particularly stubborn barrier, because it works quietly and in private, long before anyone else gets a say.
A scoping review on engaging men in psychological treatment, which examined 46 articles published between 2000 and 2017, found that several studies linked men’s avoidance of help with a fear of appearing a “weak” man. The authors also noted that men are often ambivalent when they first arrive in therapy and are more likely to drop out early, and that a bad first experience can put them off seeking help again.
Other practical barriers pile on top. Many men do not know what therapy actually involves, imagine it as lying on a couch talking about childhood, or worry it will be vague and endless. Long waiting lists and the effort of making a first phone call do not help.
Why men’s reluctance to seek help matters
The stakes are high. The latest ONS suicide statistics for England and Wales, published on 13 October 2026, show 6,162 suicides registered in 2025. Of these, 4,620 were men, which is 75% of the total. The male suicide rate was 17.5 per 100,000, compared with 5.5 per 100,000 for women, and men aged 50 to 54 had the highest rate of any group.
Avoiding therapy is far from the only factor behind these figures, which also reflect debt, unemployment, relationship breakdown, isolation, and alcohol and drug use. But when men wait until they are in crisis before speaking to anyone, there is less time for support to work. Getting help earlier, while problems are still manageable, is one of the clearest ways to change that pattern.
What actually helps men take the first step
The research points to several approaches that make help feel less foreign. Many of the ideas in breaking the silence and encouraging men to seek help are backed by these findings:
- Normalising it: Hearing that struggling is common, and that other men have done therapy and found it useful, takes the sting out of self-stigma. The scoping review highlights normalising and validating men’s experiences as central to building trust in therapy.
- Hearing it from men they respect: When sportspeople, colleagues, fathers, and friends talk openly about getting support, it shifts what feels acceptable. It is one reason charities are keen to talk with influential figures.
- Peer and community support: Men’s groups, sports clubs, walking groups, and community sheds give men a place to talk side by side rather than face to face. For many, that is an easier way in than a clinic.
- Action-focused therapy: The review found the literature consistently recommends treatment that is collaborative, transparent, action-oriented, and goal-focused, with clear structure and progress men can see. Approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy often fit this well.
- Using everyday language: Describing therapy as working on a problem, building skills, or training the mind, and using practical or sporting metaphors, can make it feel less clinical.
- Reframing strength: Courage, responsibility, and looking after the people who rely on you are traditional strengths that point towards getting help, not away from it.
The review’s authors are candid that the evidence base for male-tailored therapy is still young, and more trials are needed. But the direction is consistent: meet men where they are, rather than expecting them to change before they walk through the door.
How to support a man who is struggling
If you are worried about a partner, friend, son, or colleague, you do not need the perfect words. Ask how he is doing, then ask again. Do it during a shared activity, such as a drive or a walk, if that feels more natural. Listen more than you advise, and avoid lecturing him about his feelings. If he is open to it, offer to help with the first practical step, such as looking up a local service or sitting with him while he books a GP appointment.
Where to get support in the UK
If you are struggling, you do not have to wait until things are unbearable:
- Samaritans: Call free on 116 123, day or night, or visit Samaritans’ contact page for other ways to get in touch.
- NHS talking therapies: In England you can refer yourself without seeing a GP through NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression.
- Your GP: In Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, a GP can refer you to local psychological services.
- Lifeline: In Northern Ireland, call 0808 808 8000 at any time to speak to a trained counsellor.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
FAQs
- Is therapy a sign of weakness? No. Therapy is a way of working on a problem with a trained professional, much as you would see a physio for an injury. Facing difficult feelings and committing to change takes effort and courage.
- Is asking for help a sign of weakness? No. Recognising that you need support and acting on it is a sign of self-awareness and responsibility. Many men find that speaking up early protects their work, relationships, and health.
- Why are men less likely to go to therapy than women? Research links it to traditional masculine norms such as self-reliance and emotional control, which raise self-stigma, along with not knowing what therapy involves and practical barriers such as waiting lists.
- What type of therapy works best for men? There is no single best type, but many men engage well with structured, goal-focused approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy, where the plan is clear and progress is measurable.
- How can I get therapy on the NHS? In England you can self-refer to NHS talking therapies online. Elsewhere in the UK, start with your GP, who can refer you to local services.
