People tend to misperceive the values and behaviours of those closest to them, believing there is greater alignment than actually exists, according to a new study conducted by researchers at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.
The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, attributes this phenomenon to a value-based bias rooted in personal beliefs. Despite having significant knowledge about romantic partners, parents, children, and close friends, individuals frequently misjudge the values and behaviours of these relationships.
“This research highlights just how much our personal values shape not only how we see ourselves but also how we perceive the people we care about the most,” said PhD student Shir Ginosar Yaari, who conducted the study under the guidance of Professor Ariel Knafo-Noam at the Hebrew University Psychology Department. “Recognising this bias can help us better understand the roots of our misunderstandings and improve our ability to connect with and appreciate the differences in our closest relationships.”
The research involved six studies spanning four countries – Israel, Italy, Poland, and Finland – with over 2,200 participants. It found that personal values, which determine what individuals deem important, serve as mental schemas shaping perceptions of others. Even when controlling for the actual values and behaviours of those being evaluated, participants tended to project their own values onto their closest relationships.
Interestingly, this projection bias was found to be stronger in higher-quality relationships, suggesting that the closer one feels to someone, the more likely they are to assume shared values. This bias persisted across diverse populations and cultural contexts, underscoring its universal significance.
While such idealisation can foster positivity and strengthen bonds, it also has potential downsides. Misunderstandings, false expectations, and miscommunication can arise when people assume their values are shared, despite evidence to the contrary.
The study also suggests this bias may reduce the effectiveness of value-based socialisation, such as a parent’s ability to shape their child’s values. The researchers note that children may misperceive their parents as already sharing their beliefs, undermining opportunities for learning and value transmission.
The findings raise important questions about the mechanisms driving this bias. For instance, are individuals motivated to view their close relationships positively because it reinforces their self-image, or is it simply easier to anchor judgements on their own value systems? The study’s authors call for further experimental research to investigate these mechanisms and their impact on real-world interactions.
“This bias highlights a need for self-awareness in relationships,” Ginosar Yaari added. “By understanding how and why we make these assumptions, we can improve communication, deepen empathy, and build stronger connections.”
