In a post on X earlier this year, singer Grimes disclosed her autism diagnosis, shedding light on a condition often misunderstood in women. “I feel like, had we known this when I was a child, I would have worked so much less hard, been on drugs, and so many of the weird obsessions and motivations I had would have been seen as pathological and I could have written off certain things that were very hard for me but I’m glad I over came them,” she wrote. Her experience underscores a broader issue: autism in girls is frequently overlooked, leaving many undiagnosed into adulthood.

Contrary to popular belief, autism is not exclusive to boys. Ralph Moller, director of operations at Above & Beyond Therapy, explains that girls are just as likely to be on the spectrum but often go unnoticed. “Girls are often undiagnosed mainly because they show different patterns than boys, but also because they are usually more likely to develop masking strategies to hide their autism traits and blend in more easily,” he says. This masking can lead women to live with a lingering sense of inadequacy, unaware of the root cause.

For Grimes, a diagnosis brought relief, illuminating behaviours and struggles she’d grappled with for years. Moller agrees that early detection is crucial. “When a girl shows difficulties with social relationships but has learned to mask them, it’s easy to dismiss her struggles as shyness or anxiety rather than a sign of something else, including autism. Early intervention means better outcomes for developing healthy self-esteem with the appropriate support,” he observes.

To aid parents, Moller outlines tell-tale signs of autism in girls that often fly under the radar.

• Girls may display unusually advanced language skills for their age. Girls with autism typically show language skills that may appear advanced for their age, which ironically can lead parents and teachers to overlook potential developmental concerns. What might seem like a gift can mask deeper challenges.
• Eye contact patterns differ from boys. While boys with autism often avoid eye contact, girls may force it to meet social expectations, a learned behaviour rather than a natural one.
• Mimicking is common but subtle. Girls may copy peers’ social cues to appear neurotypical, despite struggling internally to grasp social rules.
• Intense interests lean conventional. Unlike boys, who might fixate on trains or numbers, girls often obsess over socially acceptable topics like animals or literature, making their focus less conspicuous.
• Emotional meltdowns signal strain. After maintaining control in public, girls may unravel at home. “If this happens once or twice, it’s probably nothing to worry about, but if these meltdowns become a trend, and are combined with other signs of autism, it could be worth paying closer attention,” Moller advises.

These behaviours, Moller explains, stem from the exhausting effort to mask symptoms. “Constantly maintaining a tight emotional control in social settings will eventually exhaust them,” he says. This exhaustion often manifests as meltdowns after school or social events, a red flag for parents to watch.

The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states autism can sometimes be detected by 18 months, with reliable diagnoses possible by age two. Yet, for girls, the journey to diagnosis is often delayed. Moller urges parents to consult a doctor if they spot these patterns. “If you are unsure about the results, don’t hesitate to look for a second opinion – unfortunately, a misdiagnosis is still possible, in some states more than others,” he cautions.