Home Family & Relationship You Should Avoid Secrets, Haste, and Comparisons After Infidelity

You Should Avoid Secrets, Haste, and Comparisons After Infidelity

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Infidelity can be a devastating experience for any relationship. The pain, distrust, and emotional turmoil it brings can leave lasting scars. Whether you’re the one who was unfaithful or the one who’s been betrayed, navigating the aftermath can be incredibly challenging. If you’re seeking to mend the broken trust or contemplating whether the relationship is worth salvaging, avoiding certain mistakes can make the journey smoother.

Here are five common pitfalls to steer clear of after infidelity: 

Keeping secrets and withholding information

In the aftermath of infidelity, honesty is paramount. While the immediate reaction might be to hide details or downplay the situation, doing so can be detrimental. Complete transparency is the cornerstone to rebuilding trust. If you’re the one who was unfaithful, it’s crucial to answer your partner’s questions honestly and provide all necessary information. Evasive behaviour will only make them doubt your sincerity.

Avoiding professional help

Many people believe they can handle the aftermath of an affair without external assistance. However, the emotional weight of betrayal can be overwhelming. A qualified therapist or counsellor can offer invaluable support and guidance during this tumultuous time. Couples therapy can also provide a neutral space where both partners can openly discuss their feelings and find ways to move forward.

Rushing the healing process

Rebuilding trust and reconnecting emotionally is not something that happens overnight. It’s a mistake to believe that things will go back to normal quickly. Pressuring the betrayed partner to “move on” or “get over it” is both insensitive and counterproductive. Healing requires time, patience, and effort. Every individual processes pain differently, and it’s essential to respect that timeline.

Making decisions in the heat of the moment

After discovering an affair, emotions run high. Anger, despair, shock, and confusion can cloud judgement. Making impulsive decisions, like ending the relationship instantly or seeking revenge, can lead to regret later on. It’s crucial to allow some time for emotions to settle before making significant decisions. Consider seeking advice from trusted friends, family, or professionals.

Comparing to other couples

Every relationship is unique, and comparing your situation to others can be misleading. While some couples might find strength and rebuild their bond after infidelity, others may decide that parting ways is the best option. Both choices are valid, depending on the specific circumstances and feelings involved. It’s essential to base decisions on what’s best for your relationship, not on societal expectations or others’ experiences.


The road to recovery after infidelity is long and fraught with challenges. However, by avoiding these common mistakes, couples can find clarity and, potentially, a path to healing. Whether the decision is to rebuild the relationship or go separate ways, what’s most important is prioritising mental well-being and ensuring that any steps taken are in the best interests of both partners.

Sarah Loxley is a relationship expert and author, known for her innovative approach to love and commitment issues.

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