If you’ve ever found yourself crying into your hands wondering why life is so hard, you are definitely not alone. In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with bipolar and personality disorder. I was raped at 14, I had not relationship with my parents, I hated school I was lost and in a world full of people I felt so alone. I knew that I was destined to be something big something better something great.
I had a passion to sing a great love for the arts and music; my love for music is about the same love I have for myself it puts me in a place of peace. I remember my grandma telling me that I was put on this earth to help people that I would be a leader and people would be drawn to my passions and I would inspire the world but how do I get there? Where do I start? Was that really my purpose?
In an everyday world full of laughter and happiness I was beyond sad. Why is it I can’t feel the way everybody else felt? Hanging out with friends I would laugh and make jokes and be at peace at that moment but when I was alone I wanted to end it all. The one person who I considered my best friend died and left me when I was 25.
I was a grandma’s baby but surely deep down inside she had to have known what I was going through when the smile on the outside didn’t match what was on the inside. I was put on a high dose of Seroquel twice a day. I felt like death. I didn’t wanna get up didn’t want to be bothered with my child didn’t want to go to work I really didn’t care about life. After taking it about sevent times I realised I could no longer feel like that so I flushed it down the toilet. After about two weeks of not taking it I still felt the same way I was confused wondering why life wouldn’t move on successfully wondering why I was at a stand still .
You would think a girl in her only 20s who had the world would be happy but I wasn’t – after becoming homeless and loosing my grandmothers three months apart at the age of 35 I begin to go on a different type of journey, a journey with God that would lead me to self love self worth and a feeling of being happy.
I wanted to rebuild my life. That’s why I started praying, meditating, going to church, and also hosting a podcast. Don’t let a diagnosis from a psychiatrist define your life and let life stop because you feel like taking meds and being sad is all it’s about. Know your worth love yourself and know that it doesn’t matter your age or what situation your in it’s okay to start over.
I have opened up door for people who are just like me who thought life was over but it was just beginning. Im happy I’m grateful and I’m alive and able to understand who I am as a person.
Shari Alysse is the host of The Real Chronicles with Shari Alysse.
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