Positive reinforcement is one of the most effective ways to support a child’s behaviour and encourage positive actions. By focusing on rewards and praise rather than punishment, you can build a child’s self-esteem and motivate them to make positive choices. This article outlines techniques for using positive reinforcement with all children, with some additional considerations for using it with foster children.

Providing rewards

One of the key principles of positive reinforcement is providing some kind of reward when a child demonstrates positive behaviour. This reinforces the behaviour and motivates them to repeat it. Rewards do not need to be large; small rewards given consistently are most effective. If you’re fostering, you can use some of your fostering allowance to put towards small treats to be used as rewards for your child’s thoughtful or kind behaviour. 

Here are some examples of beneficial rewards:

• Verbal praise. For example, “Well done for tidying your toys away!”
• Stickers charts. Place a sticker on a chart each time they do something good. Provide a small treat when the chart is full.
• Points/tokens. Award points each time they do something good that can be exchanged for treats, toys, or privileges.
• Special privileges. Extra play time, a later bedtime, choosing a family activity.
• Small treats. For example, a cookie, an extra dessert, or a fun snack.

The most effective rewards are different for each child. Observe what your child responds best to. Provide the reward immediately after the positive behaviour so they connect it with their action.

Setting clear expectations

Children respond better to positive reinforcement when expectations are clear. Before rewarding a behaviour, make sure the child understands what is expected of them. For example:

• Explain house rules and routines, such as cleaning up after play time.
• Give clear instructions, for example, “Please put your toys away in your room now.”
• Model the desired behaviour.
• Use visual aids like charts showing tasks and routines.

Don’t assume children instinctively know what they should be doing. Setting clear expectations removes uncertainty and helps positive reinforcement work.

Providing plenty of praise

Verbal praise is an important reward to use often. Be generous but sincere with your praise. When a child does something well, let them know:

• Praise immediately after the behaviour.
• Be specific, for example, “Thank you for clearing your plate after lunch so nicely.”
• Express positive feelings, for example, “I’m so proud of you for getting ready for school quickly this morning.”
• Praise efforts, not just outcomes, for example, “I can see you focused hard on tidying up properly.”
• Use praise to encourage, not control – aim to build self-esteem.

Children crave attention and approval. Sincere praise meets this need and motivates positive behaviour. Praise publicly to make it more rewarding.

Using positive reinforcement with foster children

Positive reinforcement is highly effective with foster children, but additional sensitivity is required. Many foster children have experienced trauma, disruption, and negative reinforcement. This can make praise and rewards less effective. Adapt positive reinforcement for foster children in these ways:

• Be extremely patient; it will take time for trust to build.
• Explain reward systems – ensure they understand and feel in control.
• Provide even more reassurance and praise; this helps build self-worth.
• Do not remove rewards once earned; this can feel controlling.
• Offer flexibility with reward choices – allow freedom.
• Provide comfort and support, not just praise.
• Seek professional help if challenges arise.

With care, time, and persistence, positive reinforcement can support and motivate foster children too. Show them unconditional warmth and keep trying different approaches until you find what works.

Using positive reinforcement well takes some skill. But by rewarding positive behaviours consistently, setting clear expectations, providing encouragement, and allowing time for improvement, it is an extremely powerful way to promote positive behaviour in all children. Make it a key part of your parenting approach.

Ellen Diamond, a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle.