As the year quickly approaches its end, maybe it’s time for us to self-reflect on who we are as a person. We all have been experiencing drastic changes – both physically and mentally – in our lives since the pandemic has begun. For one, we started to be cautious of who brings to us the healthy version of ourselves, the one who brings peace of mind and on the other hand, who is the one who tries to manipulate us: the one who brings toxicity in our lives.
We all want to have a positive relationship with everyone. We sometimes choose our peace of mind and end up cutting ties with people who are being toxic. To some extent, it is one of the things that the pandemic helps us. That’s why it’s important to always try to choose what brings us our peace.
But how do we know if someone is being toxic or worst? Are we the toxic ones? Let’s start to assess ourselves with the help of the following signs:
- Toxic people make you feel lots of negative emotions such as guilt, shame, and shame; your feelings are invalidated, confused, disrespected, frustrated, and exhausted. Generally, being surrounded by toxic people makes you feel tired at all times and consumes much of your energy.
- When someone does not know how to put boundaries and does not want to have a no for an answer whenever they ask for a favour, there it is, a toxic person on your side.
- Whenever a problem arises, a toxic person blames you for having the trouble. Passing to someone the accountability of the messes they make a person toxic – they always feel they are the victim.
- Too much talking behind people’s back and friends tend to leave one by one until you do not have someone to lean on but yourself – time to assess yourself, you are being toxic if you are experiencing it.
- There is no single day wherein a drama will take no place in a toxic person life. They love the drama, the attention negatively, focusing on everything negative, and always looking for the intense need to be right at all times. Even via social media, you can spot the toxic one – they love so much attention that they tend to post everything online; social media is their diary that even private matters are being posted.
- Toxic people always take and do not give or even credit theft – they own what is not theirs.
- A toxic person is also a constant liar. They lie to escape the situation they make, pass the accountability of the problem, the play of being the victim, and manipulate and control the situation.
Dealing with someone who is labelled as toxic is not as simple as calling them toxic. It is a situation that needs to be addressed and be healed. Removing toxicity from your life is a part of the daily battle, do not forget to give yourself the time to heal from dealing with a toxic person.
People who tend to be controlling and abusive towards others have their issues to address. Being toxic can be changed, and yes, there is still hope. Nevertheless, these changes will come from within, and a personal choice to do so must first acknowledge that they are the problem that needs help and solution.
In the end, life is too short to be surrounded by people who only bring toxicity to our lives. May we all gather the power to choose our peace, and our power comes from boundaries we set.
Dina Relojo is the social media manager of Psychreg. She is a high school teacher from the Philippines.