While the joy of having a newborn may be quite overwhelming, it is important to stay close to your significant other as well. Many people, wanting to still exist as a couple, not only parents, might think about when it is best to start having sex after the baby is born. And men can get especially confused when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth.
As usual, the answer depends on several factors you have to consider. In this case, it will be the mother’s well-being, the time that passed since she gave birth, and if she is breastfeeding or not. To ensure that your next sexual intercourse is satisfying for both of you, you will have to put their needs and preferences above yours. It might result in a sex drought, which can be a challenging time to weather, especially if you used to have an exciting sex life.
Below, we share some valuable tips to help you cope with your sexual desires while having your partner’s needs in mind. They range from watching porn together and following your partner’s lead to paying more attention to foreplay and talking about your feelings. Let’s get started.
It is perfectly normal for a woman not to be in a mood for sex even weeks after giving birth – and you should not pressure her into doing so. It usually comes back within three months, but the time frame will be different for each new mother. Many women prefer to wait for up to six months or even a year before resuming sexual intercourse. It can be caused by discomfort, pain, changes in hormonal levels, and more – whatever the reason, be patient. You can bring up the subject but never insist.
Watch adult films together
Pornography is considered taboo in many societies, especially when it comes to watching it with your partner. However, not only is there nothing wrong with it (as long as you both want it and do it right), but it can also help you get closer, become more comfortable, open, and adventurous. Watching porn together can be a great idea to get started while she finds her groove again. It will help you understand what works best for her, and you will be able to start talking about it sooner. So, read some porn reviews to choose the best porn sites that will suit you both and give it a try. Even if your partner is not ready yet, you can certainly have some fun and bond.
Pay more attention to foreplay
If you want to have an enjoyable sexual experience with your partner, you will have to pay more attention to foreplay. Be it the first time or the 100th, there is always something new you can do to your partner. Also, being present in the moment is another thing you will have to focus on. Instead of being so eager to go ahead and have sex, make the most of the time you have to do something for your partner’s pleasure. If you do it right, you will be able to establish a stronger emotional connection. It becomes even more essential after childbirth when your partner might experience vaginal dryness, pain during intercourse, and even some minor bleeding. This can make sexual intercourse very unpleasant for them, and they may reject your advances as a result. The good news is that there are effective treatment options for painful sex, such as dilation therapy using vaginal trainers.
On top of that, a woman’s body may significantly change after pregnancy, so make sure to discover her all over again. Maybe she likes something new and dislikes a caress she used to love? Don’t overlook anything.
Communicate with your partner
Having a baby is a significant change for you and your partner. It will change your relationship for the better, though. This is why you will need to communicate with each other more than before. If you think you can have sex and everything will be as it used to, you are totally wrong. Your partner might be tired or still sore after childbirth, and you might be feeling a bit insecure. This is why talking things over is necessary to understand what each of you needs.
You can start by asking your love when they would feel ready for having sex again. You might be surprised by their answer, but remember that it is their body, so you must respect their rules. Even if the answer is yes, you need to make sure you know your partner’s needs, preferences, and expectations – and vice versa. After this conversation, you should get some lube and have another talk about trying new positions to ease the pain of penetration and make it more pleasurable for both of you.
Whatever happens, remember that this is a time when you have to put your partner’s pleasure above yours. So, do whatever it takes to make them feel good. Be considerate and ensure that you both know that even if you fail at the first attempt, nothing will change between you.
Realise that pregnancy changes everything
Many couples expecting a baby find out that they might have different preferences regarding their sexual lives. For some women, pregnancy, and childbirth naturally makes them feel less sexy. They might complain that they feel too much pain, are too tired, or do not even think about sex when breastfeeding. Pregnancy causes significant changes in hormone levels and the body of your partner. When you notice these changes, it is imperative to take them into account before you decide whether you should initiate sex or not. You shouldn’t pretend like you can understand all this as a man, so be sure to observe and listen.
If your partner feels that the time is not suitable for sex, it is useless to try to persuade her otherwise. You might end up looking like a jerk if your efforts backfire, and she becomes upset.
To prevent a conflict and a ruined night, make sure to understand what she is going through. Show her that you care by being there for her physically and emotionally. Above all, try to understand what she does not want. If she does not want to have intercourse, there is no need to push her into it since it will only damage your relationship in the long run.
Take care of yourself
Finally, remember that you also need to take care of yourself. You might feel stressed and tired after becoming a father – don’t beat yourself up about it. Even if it’s your partner who carried the child, gave birth, and breastfeeds now, you can still feel all these emotions if you actively take care of the baby. So, make sure you have a loose schedule – give your loved one some time to rest and find a moment for yourself too. Don’t forget about your hobbies, work, or anything important to you before the baby.
Life with a newborn baby is demanding and stressful, so both you and your loved one will need time to adjust to the new reality. Remember that communication is always key. Don’t rush, push, or insist, but don’t be afraid to ask if you’re not sure about something. You may be two parents now, but you are still a couple who needs to stay close, open, and honest with each other if you want your baby to be happy, growing in a healthy, safe environment. Don’t forget about it.
Adam Mulligan did his degree in psychology at the University of Hertfordshire. He is interested in mental health and well-being.