A few seconds have felt as if my lifespan just spun into the arms of chaos and madness. The
the morality of my living gave up on me, and all my thoughts and dreams seemed like nuance-filled failures.
For the first time, everything and everyone felt better and much more suited for this world except me. This was the first encounter with my anxiety. And now, after years of playing hide and seek with her (my anxiety), I understand that I am not the only one holding on to my past mistakes while judging my present.
Maybe you, too, have felt such a thing. Perhaps you, too, have waved your hand to find
something or someone to hold on to. Something that will put you back on track. Something
that will allow you to fight this evil day. If you even slightly agree with me and titling your
head towards yes, then my love, this is just for you. So buckle up, and let me share a few
magic tricks I have learned over the years.
21st century’s shell-shock
I was never drafted to fight a war, but that does not mean I never fought. I remember this
one time when I was cashless and as broke as a guy can be(my bank balance was -Rs100,
for fuck sake).
Since I could not afford to ask for money from my parents(that generally happens when you hit the age of 22), I could not pay my rent. Then came that night of the 29th. I lay on my bed searching for ways to make just the right amount of money so I could afford not to get thrown out of my apartment and left to live on the streets.
I scrolled through my phone for almost four hours, and the result was still null. Then all of a sudden, it hits me. What if this is just the trailer of my life, and this is just how it will be?
‘Boy, you have lived without worries and under a roof that asks for no money. But where will you go now?’; I had no idea, what to do, where to go, and how to live. So I did what any
masculine man would do when adversity bites his ass. I crawled to a corner of my room and
started carrying. And I’ll be damned if I say that I gathered myself and started looking for answers.
No, I just stayed down and couldn’t even wipe my tears. My mind and body were numb. I stood up, came to my balcony, and stared for a few minutes.
I have to say death felt like bliss for those two minutes. How could it not? I won’t have to face
anything or do anything. I won’t even have to take any responsibility. Just a jump and all my problems are gone. I can tell you that I changed this moment into a form of motivation and came back to my room thinking I was better than this. But it’s simply not true. I couldn’t
do it, man. I just couldn’t.
Taking your own life is not for someone like me who gets scared while falling asleep after watching a horror movie (and that, too, is a fucking Bollywood horror movie). But I can say this, though. I am happy I didn’t have the guts in me to do it. Because life is a bitch, but it’s worth staying around. So this is one of many incidents where anxiety sat on my lap, and we cuddled for a while.
I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse
I am 23 years old, and I am writing this blog. So I am not sure if the things I say will always
be absolute. But they seem genuine to me at this stage of my life. So here we go. We have
all heard of the phrase ‘the pursuit of happiness’. Just pass this exam, and you’ll know what
happiness feels like. Just marry the right person, and you’ll understand what it means to
have a happy family.
Work hard for a couple of years and live a financially independent life filled with stability, comfort, and happiness. Everything seems true, almost something God would tell his prophets. But like every other thing in this world, the devil lives in the details.
Yes, you should always run towards building a better life, but what about the present? Why
are we always sacrificing more than we should make a better life? Why are we not talking about living in peace? I think it is because achieving happiness is more accessible than
Think of it this way. Have you ever sat in your room and just tried to be thoughtless? It seems almost impossible at first. But we all studied the night before our final exams and passed. Now you can’t tell me you don’t love it when you just learned the night before and managed to cover everything you should have studied throughout the year.
We feel on top of the world knowing that we passed or even excelled, we feel happy as hell, but somehow we can’t sit peacefully in our room for a couple of minutes. So this is my answer to your anxiety.
Yes, you should always aim to make your life better because that’s the way we humans are meant to live. But holding on to your present is also essential. I am not saying to live like
there’s no tomorrow. All I am saying is today matters too.
Start as if you are born today
My friend, you can’t deal with anxiety with just one motivational blog. I wouldn’t be writing
this blog if it was this easy. You need to start from the beginning. You need to know what it is
that makes your heart run wild. You can start searching for your problems by writing them
Choose the most straightforward problem you can find and then work on it. The change will be slow, so what you can do is keep track of your changes so you can be motivated. And please, whatever you do, don’t try to solve all your problems simultaneously.
You must pick up your mess because you also have a life (at least, I hope you do). You can’t just focus on your problems and forget everything else, like attending your classes or doing your job(I have tried it, and the results got even worse). So start from the bottom until you get there(thanks, Drake).
Another mistake I have seen people make (including myself) is they don’t reach out to
someone. Dude, it is essential to have someone who can tell you when you are overthinking
and when you make mistakes. Most of our anxiety comes from letting our thoughts spiral
An honest friend is what keeps me sane. It will help you too. Just try and choose someone reliable. I have Omi and Div. They always tell me when I worry too much and do too little with my life. And if you think you are in deep water, considering therapy is also very important.
Things are easier said than done; it is true. But it is your life we are talking about. So it’s worth it.