Roy Setchell, 74, has been finding comfort at OrangeLine a Saint Francis Hospice’s confidential telephone service for local people who are feeling alone, isolated, or in need of a friendly conversation. Yet, Roy remembers how as a younger man, he was led to believe that getting upset, crying, and talking about feelings wasn’t a macho trait but more of a feminine one.
‘I’m of a generation where men kept things close to their chest, if we had problems, we were told to suck them up and get on with it ‘Roy said. It was only when Roy reached his sixties that he started to talk about his emotions, thanks to his wife Hilary’s encouragement.
‘Open up to me, Roy, don’t be the male hero,’ she would say to him. As 2019 was drawing to a close, Hilary’s trip to the supermarket was cut short when she became too out of breath to go any further. ‘I thought she just needed a pick-me-up from our GP,’ explained her husband, Roy. ‘Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple.’
Tests revealed that Hilary, fondly known as Hil by her husband, was living with metastatic colon cancer. From the outset, her prognosis was heartbreakingly bleak, the cancer was terminal and inoperable. As 2019 turned to 2020, Hil told Roy her wishes: no chemotherapy, no radiotherapy, and that she wanted to pass away at Saint Francis Hospice. Sadly, Hil never made it to the Hospice in
Havering-atte-Bower.
Only hours after that conversation, Hil passed away. She was 71. The couple were only six weeks short of celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary together. ‘It all happened so quickly, I loved her so much’ remembered a tearful Roy.
As Roy entered what he described as a dark tunnel of desperation, he received a sympathy card from our Hospice. ‘Then the lockdown hit, it couldn’t have come at a worse time. I was sinking lower and lower and couldn’t stop crying, I felt wracked with guilt.’ Roy recalled. Inside the card was a note to let Roy know that Saint Francis Hospice is only a phone call away. Roy resisted the notion that was drilled into him as a younger man and dialled the number.
‘I desperately needed help and someone to talk to,’ Roy admitted. ‘And that’s what OrangeLine gave me. Unburdening my feelings is an incredible comfort.’ Roy is encouraging other men to do the same. ‘Don’t do this male thing and keep your emotions inside,’ he said. ‘OrangeLine can help you. And as Hil always used to say, a problem shared is a problem halved.’
OrangeLine is here for you too. The service is open to people of all ages, and you don’t have to have a connection with Saint Francis Hospice to call. You can reach the team between 9am–5pm during the working week on 01708 758649.
