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15 Questions to Test Your Emotional Comfort in Relationships

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Building a robust, emotionally comfortable relationship is the cornerstone of meaningful connections. When it comes to deciphering the depth and security of one’s feelings in any relationship, self-awareness is paramount. Regular introspection ensures that we remain in tune with our emotions and perceptions of the bond we share with our partner.

So, how can you assess your emotional comfort in your relationship? Here are 15 probing questions to guide your introspection.

  1. Do you feel safe sharing your deepest secrets? Emotional safety means that you can share anything without the fear of being judged or criticised.
  2. Does your partner’s happiness genuinely make you happy? Joy in your partner’s achievements and happiness indicates a deep connection and shared sentiments.
  3. Are you able to voice your concerns freely? Open communication is vital. Feeling suppressed or holding back can be a sign of discomfort.
  4. Do you feel validated and understood, or do you often feel dismissed? Mutual respect is the foundation of any relationship. Being dismissed or undervalued can erode emotional security.
  5. Can you recall the last time you felt emotionally distant? Regular feelings of emotional detachment can be indicative of underlying issues.
  6. How do you react to conflicts? If conflicts often make you anxious or doubtful about the relationship’s future, there might be issues worth addressing.
  7. Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behaviour to others? This might indicate that you’re not entirely comfortable with how they treat you or others.
  8. Are you confident about your role in your partner’s life? Feeling insecure or replaceable can greatly affect emotional comfort.
  9. Do you feel like your personal growth is supported? A nurturing relationship promotes personal growth rather than stifling it.
  10. How often do you imagine a future together? Visualising a shared future often signals deep emotional connection and security.
  11. Do you frequently worry about the state of your relationship? Constantly being in a state of worry might indicate underlying discomfort.
  12. Do you feel like you have to change aspects of yourself to fit into the relationship? True emotional comfort means being loved for who you genuinely are.
  13. Do you feel that you are often walking on eggshells? This can signal a fear of conflict or an unbalanced dynamic in the relationship.
  14. Are there unresolved issues that you hesitate to bring up? Avoiding touchy subjects due to fear of confrontation might mean there are areas of discomfort.
  15. Do you feel energised or drained after spending time together? Emotionally comfortable relationships usually leave us feeling revitalised, not exhausted.

By genuinely reflecting on the answers to these questions, you can gain clarity about your relationship’s emotional health. It’s essential to remember that no relationship is perfect. However, consistently feeling uncomfortable or distressed is a sign that there are areas that need attention and possibly intervention.

For some, the answers to these questions may affirm that they are in a relationship where they feel understood, valued, and emotionally secure. For others, it may serve as a wake-up call to address areas of discomfort or consider if the relationship aligns with their emotional needs.

If you find that many of your responses raise red flags, it might be beneficial to seek relationship counselling or therapy. A professional can provide guidance, tools, and strategies to enhance emotional comfort and connection in relationships.

Emotional comfort is a paramount indicator of a relationship’s health and longevity. Continuously assessing and nurturing this aspect can pave the way for a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner.


Selena Evergreen is a relationship consultant from Nevada, bringing a fresh perspective from the American desert to the world of love and partnerships.

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