This Thursday 10th October marks World Mental Health Day, a timely reminder for parents to not only focus on their children’s well-being but to prioritise their own mental health, according to mental health expert Noel McDermott. While it’s natural for parents to put their children first, McDermott stresses that taking care of your own mental health is crucial for fostering well-being in your children.

McDermott explains: “Most health and wellbeing issues stem from lifestyle choices. Our children mimic us more than we care to admit. For instance, when it comes to smoking, which is likely to have a stronger influence: a parent who smokes but advises their child not to, or a parent who doesn’t smoke and gives the same advice? If you’re a parent who smokes and feel guilty about it, you should, and you should quit immediately.”

While peer influence becomes stronger as children grow older, early habits around health and wellbeing are shaped in the home, where parents are the dominant influence. “Even as teenagers, if parents maintain consistent behaviours and attitudes towards health, it helps their kids make wise decisions,” McDermott adds. Being “congruent” – aligning what you say with what you do – makes a lasting impact on your children.

McDermott highlights two key reasons why parents should prioritise their mental health: the direct impact it has on their children’s choices and the personal benefits of wellbeing. “Research on these issues is undeniable, and governments have long provided extensive information on the importance of healthy living.”

He adds that investing in one’s own mental health leads to improved quality of life, even during difficult periods. “Wellbeing practices, once ingrained, make stressful or psychologically challenging times less severe, shorter, and less likely to recur.”

Key habits to foster mental and physical well-being

So, what are the essential habits that parents should develop, both for themselves and their children?

• Help-seeking. Life involves inevitable risks, and the goal isn’t to eliminate them but to mitigate damage. One of the best strategies is asking for help when needed. “Recognising when you’re in a difficult situation and stopping to seek assistance is crucial,” McDermott advises. “Always let others know how you’re feeling, especially if you’re struggling.”
• Healthy lifestyle. Sleep, rest, relaxation, nutrition, and exercise form the core pillars of wellbeing. “Don’t limit exercise to just the gym,” McDermott suggests. “Research shows that dancing, for example, is highly effective in treating depression, followed closely by yoga. Stress management, particularly through mindful breathing, is another vital skill to develop.”
• Halt mnemonic. When you’re feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, it’s essential to halt and address these needs before continuing with your tasks.
• Social connections. Maintaining strong social ties reduces both physical and psychological illnesses. There is substantial evidence that social support can lower the risk of conditions such as cardiovascular disease, cancer, and depression, while also improving overall mental health. Conversely, isolation can have harmful effects, increasing the risk of depressive symptoms and mortality. “Loneliness kills,” warns McDermott. “make the effort to meet people, develop hobbies, and build friendships.”

For parents dealing with long-term or chronic conditions – whether their child has mental health problems, learning disabilities, or autism – the challenges are often more complex. Many parents become absorbed in fighting for services for their child, neglecting their own health and that of their family. McDermott cautions against this vicious cycle. “in family work, we refer to the ‘identified patient’, the family member who is seen as having the primary needs. But meeting just that individual’s needs is never enough. The health of the whole family must be addressed. To help the family member who is struggling, the entire family needs to be well.”

McDermott concludes with a simple yet powerful message: “Physician, heal thyself.”

Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years of experience in health, social care, education, and criminal justice. His company, Mental Health Works, provides bespoke mental health services for individuals and organisations, coordinating personalised teams to meet specific needs.