Science has shown that men and women use their brains in different ways. Temperament studies have claimed that the majority of men predominantly use their logical, deductive reasoning capabilities to guide them through life while most women are much more likely to use feeling and be subjective and are more directly in touch with their emotions. If you haven’t noticed, women and men are different in a number of ways.
The differences in our brain usage can lead to conflict in communications, which I believe to be the root of the term ‘battle of the sexes‘. One side can become entrenched in the feeling mode, using their emotions to express their points of view, and the other person can be in the thinking mode, trying to use their reasoning.
As long as one or both sides are stuck in their ways of thinking and feeling, communication can and will break down. There are two completely different languages being used in this type of exchange and each side can end up misunderstanding the other. It has been shown that communication issues are the number one reason for divorce in marriages.
Recognising that you are on one side of this fence or the other is the first step in diagnosing what your solution can be. If you are a thinker by nature, then chances are you are not as strong in the feeling department. If you are a feeling type of person, there is a good chance that the logical, deductive reasoning processes may be less utilised. I mean no offence and nothing personal when I make these statements.
All of us are deficient in certain areas of life, based upon our genetically influenced temperaments and our natural predisposition to use certain parts of our brains. Unless you have transcended the human race, you will not be immune. For example, we all know people who are very analytical by nature and are reluctant to reveal their feelings. Conversely, very expressive people have been known to speak with great passion before they think things through.
Unfortunately, our egos have a built-in mechanism for overlooking our own weaknesses and proclaiming ourselves to be the centre of the universe, incapable of error. Illustrating this precisely and humorously, the late, great Muhammad Ali once said: ‘I don’t always know what I’m talking about, but I know I’m right.’ As long as you are set in your ways and incapable of seeing anyone else’s point of view, your communication skills will be severely limited. You have settled into a boxed view of life that restricts the expansion of your thoughts, feelings, or both.
Just because we are naturally weak in certain areas doesn’t mean that we are doomed to be forever restrained by the barriers that define our comfort zone. As human beings, we have the capacity to expand ourselves and develop our latent abilities.
There are many positive benefits for us to tap into both our feeling side and thinking side. Some say that it is totally necessary in order to better ourselves and our results in life. Napoleon Hill, author of the classic self-help book Think and Grow Rich, was a proponent of this. He recognised that the marriage of thoughts with emotion is what creates our reality, either in a positive or negative way.
Thoughts are powerless without a driving passion that comes only from our emotions. Emotions can create chaos without accurate facts and knowledge formed from logical deductions. He said: ‘Your subconscious mind recognises and acts only upon thoughts which have been well mixed with emotion or feeling.’ Napoleon believed that we had to get both under control in order to succeed.
There is a very good reason why nature makes opposites attract. Men are more likely to bring their thinking strengths to the table while women can bring their feeling capabilities. The feminine and the masculine need each other to become complete just like we need both sides of our brain for optimum results.
I believe that relationships are meant to create opportunities for us to expand ourselves and grow from our experiences together. We are just different sides of the same coin. Let’s spend our time in a profitable way, learning from each other and not concentrating on who is wrong or right. We can become better at everything as a result.
Scott Trettenero’s recent book, Master the Mystery of Human Nature: Resolving the Conflict of Opposing Values, helps readers learn about themselves, others, and how the world works because of our differences. Scott has maintained a solo dental practice in Southwest Florida since 1981. His research on quality service in dentistry and his interest in human temperaments formed the basis for his first book, Unlocking the T-Code. He is married and has two children. You can follow him on Twitter.