Stairlift and home lift company Stannah has uncovered a striking disparity in sleep patterns across generations, with Office for National Statistics (ONS) data showing that people aged 75 and over face a sleep debt equivalent to more than 19 days per year compared to 35-year-olds. As sleep quality declines with age, experts suggest that sleeping separately could be a practical solution for older couples struggling with disruptive night-time habits.
The data reveals that sleep duration and quality begin to wane as early as age 35. While those aged 18 to 24 average 9.6 hours of sleep per night, individuals between 45 and 54 and those aged 55 to 64 manage only 8.7 hours. People over 65 fare slightly better at 8.9 hours, yet all fall short of the recommended nine hours. More critically, the quality of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is essential for memory and emotional regulation, drops significantly with age. Young adults enjoy 2.16 hours of REM sleep nightly, while those between 45 and 64 get just 1.96 hours, and those over 65 average two hours.
Annually, this translates to a stark contrast in restorative sleep. The youngest generation secures 33 days of quality REM sleep out of 365, while people aged 45 to 64 get 30 days, resulting in a deficit of three days. For those over 65, the figure rises slightly to 31 days, but the gap becomes more pronounced when comparing overall sleep debt to that of younger adults.
Anjula Mutanda, a family psychotherapist working with Stannah, highlights the relational toll of poor sleep. “Whilst sleeping in the same bed promotes intimacy and close bonds, snoring and lack of sleep can drive a wedge between couples,” she says. “A good night’s sleep is vital for our daily functions and for performing at our best.” She notes that quality rest improves mood, health outcomes, cognitive clarity, and attention span while reducing stress. These benefits become even more critical in later life as they help slow cognitive decline.
For some, the answer lies in a growing trend known as the “sleep divorce”. Julia Champion, 56, and her husband Matt, 54, from South East London, have slept apart for 19 years due to Matt’s chronic snoring. Married for 16 years and together for 23, they made the switch just four years into their relationship. “We can kiss, cuddle and everything else at any time of day or night wherever and whenever we feel like it. Intimacy doesn’t have to be confined to bed times or bedrooms,” Julia explains. Even on holiday, they maintain separate sleeping arrangements to prioritise rest.
Julia encourages others to consider the option without shame. “Don’t feel ashamed. It’s much more common than you think. Many couples would do the same if they were lucky enough to have the room,” she says. “It will take away routine and predictability from your love life. You will both sleep better and can go to bed and wake up when you want without having to worry about disturbing your partner. You can also decorate your bedroom as you wish. It’s a win-win.”
Mutanda echoes this sentiment, addressing common concerns. “The idea of sleeping separately from your partner may feel like a negative step to take and might cause you to worry that this may be a sign of problems to come in your relationship, but that’s not necessarily the case,” she says. She advises couples to test the arrangement and maintain connection through daytime bonding, such as date nights or shared evenings, even if they do not sleep together.
The health stakes are high. Adequate sleep lowers the risk of heart disease and diabetes, reduces stress, and boosts mood. These benefits build over time. Yet factors like snoring, sleep talking, or frequent night-time bathroom trips, which become more common with age, can disrupt rest for both partners. Stannah’s findings underscore a broader reality: as we age, sleep becomes both more elusive and more essential.
For Julia and Matt, the choice has been transformative. “It’s about waking up feeling rested,” Julia says, a sentiment that may resonate with countless couples facing the same nocturnal challenges.
