Quick summary: Neurodivergent people may sometimes connect more easily when they share communication styles, interests or experiences, but having the same neurotype does not guarantee compatibility. Research suggests that communication can work differently depending on the interaction between people, with neurotype matched pairs sometimes communicating more accurately than mixed neurotype pairs. For healthcare and mental health practice, the findings support greater acceptance of different communication styles rather than expecting neurodivergent people to adapt to conventional social norms.
Have you ever met someone and found that conversation felt unusually easy from the beginning? Perhaps you both moved quickly between topics, became absorbed in the same subjects, or felt comfortable discussing things that might have seemed unusual to other people. For some neurodivergent people, meeting someone with a similar way of communicating can create a sense of familiarity surprisingly quickly.
But does neurodivergence actually make people more likely to connect with one another? The answer is more complicated than simply saying that neurodivergent people “get each other”. Neurodivergence is an umbrella term covering different neurodevelopmental conditions and experiences, including autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). People within the same diagnostic category can also have very different personalities, communication preferences and support needs.
Research into neurotype and communication suggests that similarities in the way people communicate may influence how comfortable an interaction feels.
When an info dump becomes a conversation
One example is the tendency to share detailed information about a subject that someone finds particularly interesting. In everyday conversation, a person who talks at length about a highly specific topic may be perceived as dominating the conversation. Someone who shares that interest, however, may respond very differently. Instead of seeing the discussion as excessive, they might contribute their own knowledge and encourage the conversation to continue.
This can be relevant to autistic people. The CDC lists unusually intense or focused interests among the characteristics associated with autism, while the NHS notes that autistic adults may develop strong interests in particular subjects.
This does not mean that every autistic person engages in “info-dumping”, nor is the behaviour exclusive to autism. Shared interests can simply give two people a common subject to explore. When both people are genuinely interested, enthusiasm that might otherwise be difficult to express can become a natural part of the conversation.
Communication may depend on neurotype
Another possible explanation comes from the double empathy problem. Difficulties in autistic social communication have traditionally often been described in terms of deficits within the autistic person. The double empathy theory takes a different approach. It suggests that misunderstandings can occur because people have different ways of experiencing and interpreting social information.
This means that communication difficulties may sometimes be bidirectional rather than belonging entirely to one person. The interaction itself matters, particularly when two people have different expectations about how conversation should work.
Research has begun to investigate this possibility. A 2024 study published in the American Journal of Speech-Language Pathology examined communication between autistic and non-autistic adults. The researchers found greater communication accuracy in neurotype-matched pairs than in mixed-neurotype pairs during the study’s communication task. But the autistic matched pairs did not report greater rapport, showing that successful communication and personal connection are not necessarily the same thing.
These findings do not mean that people with the same neurotype will automatically communicate better. They suggest that the relationship between two people’s communication styles may be just as important as either person’s individual characteristics.
Masking may also influence connection
Masking is another factor, particularly among autistic people. Some autistic people consciously or unconsciously modify their behaviour to appear more socially typical. Autistic adults may mask characteristics of autism in social situations, which can be exhausting and stressful.
Someone who spends a great deal of effort monitoring their behaviour during conversations may find it easier to interact with another person who has similar communication preferences. There may be less pressure to constantly adjust the way they speak, respond or behave.
For example, two people may both be comfortable with direct communication, extended conversations about particular interests, periods of silence or less conventional conversational patterns. This does not mean they will understand each other perfectly. It may simply mean that neither person has to spend as much time working out what the other expects from the interaction.
Recognition can create familiarity
Neurodivergent people may also recognise experiences in one another that are difficult to explain to people who have not experienced them. These might include sensory sensitivities, highly focused interests, difficulties with executive functioning, differences in attention or unusual conversational patterns.
For someone who has frequently felt misunderstood, encountering another person who describes a familiar experience can be significant. There can be less need to explain why a particular situation feels difficult when the other person already has some understanding of it.
This does not require two people to have the same diagnosis. Autism and ADHD have different clinical characteristics, but an autistic person and someone with ADHD may still recognise aspects of each other’s experiences. At the same time, shared experiences should not be mistaken for universal compatibility. Two neurodivergent people can have very different needs and personalities, just as two neurotypical people can.
ADHD may create a different conversational rhythm
ADHD provides another example of how communication styles can affect social interaction. People with ADHD may experience difficulties involving attention, impulsivity and executive functioning, which can sometimes affect conversations and relationships. Some may also experience rapid shifts in attention or interrupt when they are eager to contribute a thought.
When two people have similar conversational habits, this can sometimes make an interaction feel more natural. Rapidly moving between related subjects, for example, may be easier when both people are comfortable with that style of conversation. An interruption might also be interpreted differently when both people understand it as enthusiasm rather than deliberate rudeness.
This should not be generalised to everyone with ADHD. People with the same diagnosis can have very different personalities and social experiences, and having a similar neurodevelopmental profile does not guarantee good communication or compatibility.
Neurodivergence does not determine compatibility
It is important not to romanticise the idea that neurodivergent people naturally “click”. Neurodivergence is not a personality type. Autism and ADHD are distinct neurodevelopmental conditions, and people within either group can have very different communication styles.
The existing evidence does not show that sharing a neurotype automatically produces better relationships. What it does suggest is that communication is influenced by the interaction between people rather than being solely a characteristic of one individual.
Two people may connect quickly because they share interests, communicate in similar ways, have comparable expectations around conversation or recognise experiences that they have both encountered. The reverse can also happen. Two people with the same diagnosis may have completely different personalities and communication preferences.
The important factor is often the fit between the people involved. Neurodivergent people do not necessarily connect because they are the same. They may connect because their ways of communicating happen to work well together.
This distinction matters beyond friendships and relationships. It also challenges the idea that there is one universal way to communicate effectively. For neurodivergent people, environments that accommodate different communication styles may be more useful than expecting everyone to adapt to conventional social expectations.
Sometimes, the person who is easiest to talk to is not someone who thinks exactly like you. They may simply be someone whose way of communicating makes sense to you.
Noorharsy Taqillah is a medical graduate from Indonesia preparing for a Master of Public Health in Japan, with interests in mental health and neurodevelopmental conditions. Through her writing she aims to make health and psychology topics more accessible while sharing personal experiences.
