Christmas is often framed as a season of joy and togetherness, yet for many people it intensifies feelings of isolation. Psychotherapist Noel McDermott has warned that loneliness becomes more acute during the Christmas period and is urging individuals and communities to take practical steps to reduce its impact.

Loneliness is a growing public health concern in the UK, particularly among older people. Research from Age UK estimates that 1.5 million older adults will eat Christmas dinner alone this year. Around 1 million say they feel more isolated during the festive period than at any other time, while approximately 670,000 may not see or speak to anyone on Christmas Day. Loneliness is associated with increased risks of depression, anxiety, heart disease and dementia.

McDermott, founder and CEO of Mental Health Works, explains that loneliness is not the same as being alone. “Loneliness is a significant problem for our health and wellbeing, especially if you are older and especially if we are men. We are social animals and require a support network to function well. Loneliness is thought of akin to, but not the same as being alone. Also some people are more introverted and enjoy their own company. Loneliness is deeper than being alone and it’s when we feel no one cares or we are not important to others.”

He draws on developmental psychology to explain why connection matters across the lifespan. Referring to object permanence in infancy, McDermott says this early learning shapes adult emotional resilience. “A new born child takes some time to develop a sense of what is called object permanence, a sense that things have a reality beyond our immediate perception of them. It’s why young children can become so upset when mum leaves. For the child they don’t know she still exists even though is not in sight and the child becomes very distressed. Gradually over time they learn that mum does survive absence and they build an internal representation of mum that soothes them when she is absent.”

That process, he says, continues into adulthood and underpins emotional wellbeing. “That process is a two way street. That capacity to be held in someone else’s mind when we are not with them is a crucial part of our emotional wellbeing. To know that someone thinks about us and brings us to mind and reaches out to us to check in helps us maintain health and wellbeing. It’s a central part of our capacity to self soothe (regulate) when distressed and also contributes fundamentally to our ability to build meaning and purpose in our everyday life. We are more than just our current experience because someone else cares about us and needs us. The capacity to exist in the minds of others and to have them exist in our minds underscores much of human experience and something troubling is lost when that is diminished. We become distressed and ill.”

McDermott notes that loneliness often reflects a loss of meaning and connection rather than simple social absence. He highlights that men and older people are particularly at risk, pointing to historical data from Glasgow showing higher male mortality rates linked to loneliness even after other lifestyle factors were considered.

To reduce loneliness this Christmas, McDermott encourages people to take small but intentional actions:

• Identify neighbours who may be lonely and send cards.
• Look out for colleagues who may be isolated, including older people, disabled people or single men, and arrange regular coffee catch ups.
• Volunteer at a local shelter to offer company.
• Contact older or disabled community groups to volunteer as a buddy.
• Think about family and friends who may be at risk and send messages such as “thinking of you” or “you came to mind,” then make plans to spend time together.

For those experiencing loneliness themselves, McDermott advises recognising the feeling and reaching out. Support is available through services such as Samaritans on 116 123, which operates 24 hours a day. General practitioners can also refer patients to social prescribing schemes that connect individuals with community activities. Online groups and services may offer additional support for those with mobility or access difficulties.

He also emphasises that helping others supports personal wellbeing. “One of the best things you will ever do for your own health and wellbeing is to help another person. Helping doesn’t need any other skill than the capacity to empathise and show kindness.”

McDermott recommends engaging in activities that increase dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins, often referred to as DOSE. These hormones are linked to improved mood and emotional regulation and can be stimulated through social connection and volunteering.

With more than 30 years’ experience across health, social care, education and criminal justice, McDermott provides personalised mental health services through Mental Health Works, including coordinated in home and community based support.

As Christmas approaches, he says addressing loneliness requires collective responsibility, reminding people that simple acts of connection can prevent others from feeling forgotten.