New research has found that loneliness within romantic relationships can significantly impact relational and sexual well-being, but the effects may be mitigated by gratitude and forgiveness. The study, published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, examined data from over 1,600 newlywed couples in the United States and found that feelings of loneliness were linked to lower levels of satisfaction in both emotional and physical intimacy.
Loneliness is often associated with social isolation, but the study highlights that it can persist even within close relationships. Researchers found that individuals who reported higher levels of loneliness tended to experience more dissatisfaction in their relationships. While being in a committed relationship can provide a sense of belonging, it does not necessarily prevent feelings of disconnection.
Chelom E. Leavitt, PhD, an assistant professor at Brigham Young University, explained the motivation behind the study. “The idea came to me during the pandemic and seeing the feelings of loneliness my students were experiencing. I wrote a blog about it in Psychology Today, and it went viral. It seemed to really resonate with people. We were all experiencing some kind of disconnect. I’m a relationship scientist, so it seemed like a natural thing to do a study to see more of what was going on.”
The study explored whether gratitude and forgiveness could act as protective factors against loneliness in romantic relationships. Both qualities were found to have a positive effect on relational well-being, with individuals who exhibited higher levels of gratitude and forgiveness reporting greater relationship satisfaction. However, these factors did not have the same impact on sexual well-being, suggesting that feelings of loneliness continue to affect physical intimacy despite emotional efforts to improve the relationship.
Leavitt elaborated on the study’s key findings: “Both the husband’s and wife’s gratitude and forgiveness moderated the negative association between loneliness and relational well-being, but we found no moderation effect for sexual well-being.” She noted that while these qualities help protect the emotional bond between spouses, they do not necessarily safeguard the sexual aspect of a relationship. “It seems that while gratitude and forgiveness protect the marriage relationship from feelings of loneliness, the sexual relationship is not protected from loneliness through forgiveness and gratitude alone. It likely requires additional skills or conversations.”
One of the key findings was that gratitude and forgiveness could alter the negative association between loneliness and relationship satisfaction. When individuals practiced forgiveness and expressed gratitude towards their partner, they experienced fewer negative effects of loneliness on their relationship quality. This was observed in both men and women, though the effects varied slightly. Men who reported higher levels of forgiveness had partners who also experienced increased relationship satisfaction.
Despite these findings, researchers noted that gratitude and forgiveness did not provide the same buffering effect when it came to sexual well-being. While emotional closeness appeared to improve with these qualities, feelings of loneliness still impacted the physical aspects of the relationship. This suggests that addressing sexual well-being may require additional interventions beyond emotional support.
Leavitt highlighted future research directions: “We are submitting another study for publication that examines how being mindful and particularly mindful during sex may provide a buffer to the romantic and sexual relationship even when one partner is experiencing loneliness within the relationship. Spoiler alert, both mindfulness and sexual mindfulness do help to some degree.”
The findings have significant implications for relationship therapy. Encouraging couples to cultivate gratitude and forgiveness may help strengthen their emotional connection, even in the presence of loneliness. However, the study also highlights the need for a more nuanced approach to addressing sexual dissatisfaction, particularly in relationships where loneliness is a persistent issue. As Leavitt noted: “It’s important for us to understand something that is as common as feelings of loneliness. This struggle needs to be normalised, and steps that can alleviate some of the negative outcomes need to be addressed so that people don’t have to feel trapped or suffer unnecessarily.”
