The idea that life is what you make it is a powerful notion. It’s often used to inspire people to take control of their circumstances, suggesting that with enough determination and effort, we can shape our lives in any way we desire. This perspective, rooted in self-agency and personal responsibility, aligns with many success stories and motivational narratives that dominate popular culture. But how much of this is actually true? To what extent can we mould our lives like clay, and what are the limitations of this belief?
Understanding the power of agency
At the core of the “life is what you make it” philosophy is the concept of agency. Agency refers to the capacity of individuals to act independently and make their own free choices. This idea is foundational in various psychological theories that emphasise personal growth and self-determination. Albert Bandura’s social cognitive theory, for example, highlights how self-efficacy, or the belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations, can influence our actions and life outcomes.
Research supports the notion that individuals who believe they have control over their lives are more likely to engage in proactive behaviours that lead to success. People with a strong sense of agency tend to set higher goals and are more persistent in achieving them. This can result in better academic performance, career success, and overall life satisfaction.
But while agency plays a crucial role, it is not the only factor that determines our life outcomes. Believing that life is entirely within our control can be both empowering and misleading. It’s crucial to understand that external factors beyond our control frequently limit our ability to shape our lives.
The role of external factors
While the idea that we can mould our lives like clay is appealing, it overlooks the significant impact of external factors. Socio-economic conditions, cultural background, health, and even chance events can greatly influence the course of our lives. These factors can either facilitate or hinder our ability to shape our lives as we might wish.
Socioeconomic status is closely linked to health outcomes, which in turn affect life opportunities. Individuals from lower socio-economic backgrounds often face more significant barriers to education, employment, and healthcare. These barriers can limit the extent to which they can exercise their agency, regardless of their personal determination.
Also, cultural norms and societal expectations can also shape our choices and limit the ways in which we can “make” our lives. For example, gender roles and racial stereotypes can influence career opportunities and personal development. The notion of life being what you make it assumes a level playing field, which is often far from reality.
Balancing agency and acceptance
Given the complexities of life, a more balanced approach might be to recognise both the power of agency and the impact of external factors. This involves understanding that while we have the ability to make significant changes in our lives, we must also acknowledge and adapt to the limitations imposed by circumstances beyond our control.
This balance can be seen in the concept of “radical acceptance,” a principle often used in psychological therapies like dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). Radical acceptance involves acknowledging reality as it is, without judgement, and working within those constraints to create positive change. It does not mean giving up, but rather recognising when external factors are at play and adjusting one’s approach accordingly.
For example, someone facing financial hardship might not be able to immediately change their situation, but by accepting their current reality, they can focus on small, achievable goals that gradually improve their circumstances. This approach respects both the power of personal agency and the reality of external constraints, leading to a more sustainable path to change.
Rethinking success and fulfilment
Another important aspect of the “life is what you make it” philosophy is how we define success and fulfilment. Traditional notions of success – such as wealth, status, and power – are often used as benchmarks to measure the effectiveness of our life choices. But these standards can be limiting and may not reflect what truly brings happiness and satisfaction.
Instead of viewing life solely through the lens of achievement, it might be more fulfilling to consider what brings personal meaning and joy. Positive psychology research suggests that well-being is more closely associated with factors such as strong relationships, a sense of purpose, and emotional resilience than with material success. By broadening our definition of success, we can create a life that is more aligned with our values and desires, even if it doesn’t fit the conventional mould.
This redefinition also allows us to be more adaptable and resilient when life doesn’t go as planned. Rather than seeing setbacks as failures, we can view them as opportunities to learn and grow. This mindset shift can help us navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and satisfaction, making the idea that life is what you make it more realistic and achievable.
Embracing the duality of life
Ultimately, the idea that life is what you make it should be seen as a guiding principle rather than an absolute truth. While we have the power to shape our lives to a certain extent, it’s important to acknowledge the complexities and limitations that come with it. Life is not just about what we make of it; it’s also about how we respond to what life makes of us.
Embracing this duality allows us to live with greater intention and adaptability. It encourages us to take responsibility for our choices while also being compassionate with ourselves when things don’t turn out as planned. In doing so, we can create a life that is not only shaped by our efforts but also enriched by our acceptance of life’s inherent uncertainties.
Isla Cartwright is a London-based writer and psychologist with a keen interest in the intersection of mental health and personal development.
