Quick summary: Screen time alone does not explain how social media shapes young people’s mental health, because the same hours can mean friendship and learning or compulsive checking and harsh comparison. The greater strain shows when feeds displace sleep, schoolwork, relationships and rest, or when curated lives leave young people feeling behind even when they know the content is selective. Young people are better protected when they notice how a session leaves them feeling, set boundaries tied to sleep and focus, and see adults model the same habits while still treating social media as a source of community when it supports them.
Social media has become an integral part of the way in which a large number of young people connect with others, create friendships, find out about their interests, and develop self-awareness. Therefore, I believe that conversations around young people’s mental well-being should be far broader than just screen time. A much more informative question is what young people are really experiencing when using social media.
Time alone does not tell you if the person spent their time doing something that they enjoyed and found to be meaningful or whether they were just mindlessly comparing themselves with other people. The amount of time a person spends on social media is completely independent from the emotional impact of that time.
One of the compulsive behaviours that you should be aware of is compulsive checking. When we reach for our phones out of habit, as opposed to necessity, this may become an automatic reaction from boredom, loneliness, anxiety, or uncertainty. Rather than focusing on how many times someone uses social media each day, the problem lies in whether he/she has control over stopping and changing what they are doing at the moment.
I worry a lot when social media is always taking the place of sleep, homework, relationships, physical activity, or everyday tasks. Young people do not need to give up on technology completely in order for their technology use to be healthy. They can use technology as they intend to; however, social media should not tell them how to live their lives through constant updates and notifications.
Social comparison is a significant concern for youth. Youth are going to compare themselves with their peers; however, the difference now is that young people have at their fingertips an almost limitless number of potential individuals to compare themselves to. The areas in which they can make comparisons include appearance, peer relationships, achievement, and social life. When most everyone shares photos and experiences that showcase what they want others to think about them, it’s natural to think that those other people have put together something better than you.
Knowing that you’re looking at a feed of curated content doesn’t eliminate the emotional response to it. Even if a young person can intellectually recognize that their social media feeds have been carefully selected to highlight specific moments, that same young person may still experience feelings of being “behind,” left out, or in some way less than adequate. Therefore, when discussing social media with children, we need to consider how they feel about what they see online as well as educate them about how they get there.
Emotional literacy (and digital literacy) would be a big advantage in this situation. The youth are capable of acquiring two types of skills that will protect them from the influence of false information and protect their privacy when online. They may acquire skills to recognise what affects them emotionally through different forms of online experience. It is an important type of digital awareness to understand one’s reaction or feeling about certain online content.
A good thing about scrolling through your phone is to ask a few basic questions each time you scroll: “How am I feeling right now?” “Did I really enjoy what I scrolled past? Or did I just scroll mindlessly?” and “Am I feeling connection, inspiration, anxiety, or fatigue when I stop?” Asking these questions will cause you to be aware of how often you are repeating an action without realizing it.
Healthy boundaries can also help you control your use of social media. Protecting your sleep from being disturbed by late-night browsing, setting your phone down while doing something important, and stepping away from an account that is disturbing you are all simple ways to create healthy boundaries. What will be most effective in creating these healthy boundaries is when they are for a specific reason and not just used as a form of punishment or because someone has arbitrarily said so.
For example, “I am putting my phone away to avoid late-night scrolling, which makes it difficult in the morning” is more meaningful than stating that phones are bad. The connection of a boundary to a personal benefit (i.e., sleep, focus, friendships, feelings/mood, etc.) allows youth to think about why they are setting boundaries.
As adults, we have another chance to model intentional technology use. When young people see their parents and other adult family members reaching for their phones in order to eat with them, talk with them, or be still in quiet moments, they are noticing how often our devices can interrupt us. The more that healthy digital habits appear as “normal” instead of uncomfortable, the more likely it will be that you and your child will have open discussions about your digital habits.
It is equally as important not to consider all of your experiences on social media to be negative. Social media has provided many with a means to find friends, express themselves creatively, learn something new or funny, connect with others who have similar interests, and form communities. Many young people have reported that their relationships formed through social media have been an important part of their lives. Therefore, we need to help them determine what forms of engaging in online activities will support them and what continually drains their energy.
Bonnie Lambert PMHNP-BC LPC is a board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner and Licensed professional counsellor at Crestview Recovery.
