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How to be a Selfless Lover During Sex

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Are you a selfish lover? To find out the answer to this you need to look at many aspects, for example if you have had an orgasm but your partner hasn’t what would you do at that point, or if your partner is uncomfortable during sex but you are enjoying it what would you do?

While orgasm isn’t all there is to sex, and sexual satisfaction isn’t entirely dependent on orgasm, it’s still an important factor in examining whether your partner cares about your feelings, and there are many other aspects that can tell you whether or not a person is a selfish lover, which is crucial to both partners’ sexual experience.

In this guide, I’m going to take you through how important it is to be a selfless lover and teach you to tell if your sex is becoming progressively more self-centred while I teach you how to make yourself a selfless lover.

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What causes selfish lovemaking?

Each partner has the potential to be a selfish lover, although in more data, men tend to be more selfish during sex.

Many men unconsciously act more selfishly during sex, perhaps because men watch male-dominated pornography more often than women, where men tend to dominate sex, and because women tend to be very submissive and enjoy themselves in male-dominated pornography, which leads men to believe that sex doesn’t cause any discomfort.

In fact, many women are unable to reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone, and men’s primary method of pleasure is penetrative sex. This difference between men and women has led to the fact that only men are able to reach orgasm during heterosexual sex.

But every male also becomes more aroused when he sees his partner enjoying sex, so with the right guidance, men can be groomed to be more selfless lovers.

Signs you’re a selfish lover

Maybe you don’t know if you’re a selfish lover yet, here are some key signs that might help you make a determination.

  • You never ask your partner questions A good partner knows how to ask each other how sex feels, do you ask each other after sex if it felt good? Or what didn’t go well? Try to remember if you are in the habit of asking each other after sex, if you huff and puff after sex, this behavior is very selfish.
  • You don’t know what your partner likes. Do you know what your partner likes? Do you know her sexual fetishes? Or do you know what kind of behavior he doesn’t like, knowing each other’s preferences you are able to give each other a wonderful sexual experience, if you don’t know anything about what she likes, that’s a bit selfish.
  • You don’t know how to make your partner orgasm. While orgasm is not the ultimate goal of sex, if you often fail to make your partner orgasm during sex, then you need to consider whether you are being too selfish.
  • No foreplay or aftercare. For women, foreplay and aftercare are very important, a long period of foreplay to be able to make each other’s genitals congested so as to enter the state of sex, otherwise it will lead to pain or vaginal dryness, and aftercare is to let each other feel the feeling of being taken care of after sex, so as to let the women feel caring and warmth, if you have no foreplay and aftercare, then you must be a selfish lover.

Tips for being a better lover

If you want to make yourself less selfish and be proactive in giving during sex to make it a better experience for the other person, then the next tips will help you a lot.

  • Learn what your partner likes. In sex, it is important to know each other’s preferences in order to make them feel pleasurable and comfortable. If you do not yet know each other’s sexual preferences, then you can find a time to communicate with your partner in this regard, in a relaxed way to ask each other what kind of foreplay or sex preferred, to understand their favourite parts of the body to be touched or kissed, as well as what things can make them reach orgasm.
  • Be generous. Generosity has a positive effect on many relationships, but even more so on intimate relationships. Paying more attention to the other person’s state and feelings during sex, making adjustments when the other person is uncomfortable, or making more of an effort to please the other person when the other person is pleasured, all of these will allow you to show more generosity.
  • Stay curious. Keep a curious attitude, you must have a lot of new things you have not tried, bold and your partner to try new ways of sex, women like to feel fresh in sex, so try you have not tried sex or sex games, different experience for women is very important, you can also try to add some small props in sex, such as sex toys, blindfolds, handcuffs, etc., with these small props to add passion to sex is also good. Props to add passion to sex is also good, if your partner like clitoral stimulation brought about by the pleasure, then try the rose toy May bring surprise, currently at a discounted price to be able to buy.
  • Strike the right balance. To make your good relationship more stable, it’s not only important to pay attention to each other’s status, it’s also important to stay stable, if you neglect your own feelings in order to become a generous lover in the eyes of the other person, then you will also feel aggravation and dissatisfaction within you, which is not good for a long term relationship.



Tim Williamson, a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle.

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