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How to Have a Sex Life When You Have Children?

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Balancing parenthood and maintaining sexual intimacy can be tough. The demands of parenting can overshadow your sex life, but it’s key to remember that an active sexual relationship boosts overall well-being and relationship health. 

Parenthood changes relationship dynamics and makes spontaneous intimacy less frequent, yet your sex life remains important. It’s not just about physical satisfaction, but also about connection, communication, and mutual contentment. The following sections will offer tips on how to maintain a fulfilling sex life amidst parenting responsibilities.

Understand and accept changes in your sex Life

First of all, recognising and accepting sexual changes post-childbirth is crucial. Physical and hormonal changes may affect your sexual desire. A shift in roles from sexual partners to co-parents can impact your sex life too. Openly communicating about these changes is very important. 

The sooner you adapt to the new reality, the better. Moreover, it’s a job for two, meaning that you have to discuss and accept the changes together with your parent. Understanding these changes also allows you to explore new options and ways to be intimate with your significant other.

Keep the romance alive beyond the bedroom

Keeping romance alive extends far beyond sexual encounters. You can always spice up that aspect of your private life by purchasing sex toys like a suction dildo or a butt plug, but that’s not all. You should foster closeness even outside of the bedroom to avoid making your relationship banal and lifeless. There are several ways you could achieve that:

  • Romantic gestures. Expressing love doesn’t always require grand gestures. Simple acts like leaving love notes, giving sincere compliments, or surprising your partner with their favorite treat can foster romantic feelings.
  • Non-sexual affection. Non-sexual physical affection is equally important to keep the spark alive. Make time for cuddling, holding hands, hugging, or simply sitting close to each other. 
  • Individual identities. While it’s important to do things together, it’s also crucial to maintain your individuality. Continue to pursue your personal interests and encourage your partner to do the same. This ensures that you both bring something new to the relationship, keeping it dynamic and vibrant.

Remember, keeping the romance alive is about maintaining a deep connection, both physically and emotionally. It’s the small, consistent actions that help keep the flame burning bright. Once more, you can simply buy a few sex toys, because there are so many good. 

Establish a strong communication with your partner

As mentioned, communicating your troubles and thoughts is exactly what you need to work them out fast. Discussing sex life, intimacy and new realities like adults is simply necessary. These conversations allow you both to navigate changes in your sex life and respond to each other’s needs more effectively.

Finding time to discuss these things can be tough, but there are ways to make communication more effective. Namely:

  • Scheduled discussions. Set a regular, dedicated time for intimate conversations. This not only ensures regular communication but also demonstrates a commitment to maintaining your relationship.
  • Use “I” statements. To prevent discussions from seeming like blame games, express your feelings using “I” statements. For instance, “I feel…” or “I would appreciate it if…” These can help in maintaining a positive and open dialogue.
  • Active listening. When your partner is expressing their feelings, listen actively. This involves not just hearing the words but also understanding the emotions behind them. Reflect on their words and respond thoughtfully.
  • Show empathy. Understand that changes in sex life are as challenging for your partner as they are for you. Show empathy, be supportive, and approach these conversations with the intention to find solutions together.

Through open and consistent communication, you can address changes in your sexual relationship effectively. This helps pave the way not just to a clearer understanding of your new life, but also to a more fulfilling intimate life with your partner even in spite of the difficulties of parenting.

Create a suitable environment and time for intimacy

The other big step is to try and preserve intimacy in the high-tempo environment that is family-building. There are a few good ways, fortunately:

  1. Create a private, intimate space in your home that is child-free. This space should inspire relaxation and romance, helping both of you to transition mentally from the role of a parent to a lover. You can use soft lighting, comfortable bedding, scented candles, or a few eco-friendly toys (look here)  if you don’t want to bother about anything.
  2. Plan regular dates or allocate certain time slots specifically for intimate moments. It could be as simple as sharing a cup of coffee together in the morning or setting aside time after the children are asleep. 
  3. While scheduling is important, spontaneity adds a sense of adventure and excitement to your sex life. Be open to seizing spontaneous moments of intimacy when they arise. 

Balancing spontaneity and planning can be difficult, but it’s crucial if you want to continue bringing out the passion in this relationship. Try new things, as well – once more, sex toys are a good call, even if they feel pretty hedonistic. Sex toy shopping is even available on a tight budget, as illustrated by GQ.

Address physical and emotional changes post-childbirth

Also, note that physical and emotional changes following childbirth can significantly impact your sex life. It’s important to address these issues head-on, including:

  • Postpartum depression. It’s not uncommon for either parent to experience a form of depression after childbirth. This can significantly affect one’s libido. Recognise this possibility and be supportive of each other. Communication is important, but it may also become a serious mental condition.
  • Physical changes. Childbirth often brings unwelcome physical changes to mothers, leading to reduced comfort during sex and a generally worse mood. Discussing these changes and accommodating them is the key to bouncing back from the post-birth melancholy.

As you might’ve guessed, discussing these problems is critical, but sometimes they become too complicated to address them personally. These can grow into serious mental conditions. Hence, you shouldn’t eliminate the possibility of seeking professional help. If it comes to this, being supportive and staying part of the discussion would be a good idea.

Ellen Diamond, a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle.

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