Counsellors from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) explain how incorporating a brat summer into your life can help improve your confidence and mental well-being.
What is a brat summer?
“Embracing who you are, imperfections and all, and recognising that our flaws can be what sets us apart,” says Brieanne Doyle, BACP member and integrative counsellor who helps people with confidence and perfectionism. “It’s the freedom of no longer needing to ‘match up’ to the Instagram or TikTok influencer with a ‘perfect’ life.”
How can it help my mental well-being?
Break the mould
Brieanne says: “Challenging the status quo and forging your own path is often a lonely journey and one that requires significant resilience. Sometimes it can seem like others are just born with more resilience than others, but actually, it’s also a skill that can be developed by engaging in challenging circumstances, and building on both your successes and failures gives you the framework for the next challenge.”
Dee Johnson, BACP member and counsellor, agrees: “Stop overthinking about what other people think, fearful that if we’re ‘different’ then we’ll be rejected or judged negatively and not taken seriously. The reality is successful people have a mindset of valuing and embracing their individuality; without it there is no growth, change or creativity.
“People always have opinions, but that’s all it is: an opinion, and if we continue live under fear of what people think, then we’ll never have a true authentic sense and presentation of ourselves.”
Break friends, make friends
“Female friendships can be both a source of great companionship and, at times, deep pain. Consider carefully who is important to you and if you are also important to them,” says Brieanne.
She advises writing down groups of your friends in order of how important they are to you, how much you trust them and how often you see them.
“Remember everyone else is outside these circles; they may be fun friends or friends from a previous life stage, friends from work or school, or maybe just friends for a season.
“Consider who’s in each group. Are there friends you’d like to be closer too? This exercise helps give permission to change friendships to match your needs and to be honest about how a friendship may have changed over time.”
Live your best life
“At the heart of a brat summer is the sense that having it all is a bit of a lie. Sure, things look great for the camera, but what is the reality just out of shot? Allowing yourself to be a bit more real can massively take the pressure off. The irony is that once we begin actually enjoying things, having fun, and being real, the inner calm we were trying to achieve through looking perfect actually begins to surface because we are more connected to things that bring us joy,” says Brieanne.
Dee suggests taking a recent time inventory on how many hours you’ve spent doomscrolling.
“If it’s more than you realised, then there’s a big part of your life you’re not living. Without the freedom of joy, letting go, and not trying to be ‘perfect’ all the time, you’re missing out on things that really matter. Plus, our brain is a busy engine; it needs respite, creativity, laughter and rest. It’s a way of future-proofing your mental health.”
Dance like nobody’s watching
“Therapists understand this process (we call it somatic processing) and it’s great way to get in touch with your body and process your feelings; the body often expresses the things the mind cannot,” says Brieanne,
“But not just dance; do what feels good for you – running, swimming, going to the gym, taking a walk – all of these help the body work through your feelings.”
Own your mistakes and celebrate your wins
“In an era of perfectionism, this can be incredibly hard. Women, in particular, are told our value comes from achievement – at work, home, in relationships, friendships, with our bodies, our minds – it’s overwhelming and exhausting,” says Brieanne.
“Try listing all the things you’ve done in a day or a week and then ask what you’d say to a friend who’d just done all of that? Would you chastise the friend for the occasional dropped ball or encourage them? Who can you ask in your life to be your cheerleader, and how can you be your own? Really ask yourself, ‘am I being too hard on myself?’”
Dee agrees that celebrating wins isn’t showing off.
“It’s embracing your efforts and commitment – valuing and being grateful for what you have achieved. If you’ve achieved it, then you have the right to own it.”
Celebrate you
“Inner confidence is built over time, not overnight,” says Brieanne “If you struggle with feeling sure of yourself or confident in who you are, be gentle with yourself; think about how you might build just a bit more compassion. When you’ve done something difficult, celebrate it!
“Acknowledge the small wins and changes you are making; they all add up to greater, longer-lasting change.”
Don’t try to have it all
“Working with perfectionism in my practice I find many women are prone to ‘bright-siding’ (always looking for the positive), but when something difficult has happened, acknowledging it can be transformative – yes, usually things work out, but right now, it feels awful; let it feel awful!” says Brieanne.
Dee says that putting pressure on yourself to have it “all” or be seen to “have it all” is a fake and unrealistic expectation and will leave you in a permanent state of never being good enough,.
“Take the time to be in the present and appreciate what you actually have or are working towards. Growth comes from learning about yourself in good, bad, and indifferent times,” she adds.
If you need help, get support
“Talking about what bothers us can be enormously helpful,” says Brieanne, “Counsellors are trained to help explore your life in a way that can bring meaning and understanding to your past and help you make changes to your present experience so that you can approach the future with hope.
“Sometimes we need more support than friends or family can offer and this is when a relationship with an accredited counsellor can be the missing puzzle piece.”
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