Imagine you’re at a bookstore, looking for your next read, you spot your favourite book Wuthering Heights and take it off the shelf, but you end up knocking a few books to the ground. Naturally, you bend over to pick them up, and then you see them: the one, on the ground helping you pick up the books. You both grab Wuthering Heights at the same time, look into each other’s eyes and say the iconic line “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

And that, kids, is how I met your father! 

Just kidding. Welcome to the real world, where finding a compatible partner is harder than choosing just one book to buy from the bookstore. In this day and age, technology has completely taken over every aspect of our lives, and dating is not an exception. Actually, online dating apps are one of the most popular ways couples meet nowadays. So, if  you’re going to enter the complex world of online dating, you might need help; let’s take a look at three of the most important online dating secrets. 

Everyone is looking for someone who stands out

People go on dating apps to find someone who stands out, who is unique and isn’t afraid to express themselves. If they were looking for someone who is a slave to society, they wouldn’t have to look farther than outside their windows. That’s why it’s so important to set up your profile in a way that really shows who you are. This can be done in many ways–

Photos

Photos are the first impression you’re going to give potential matches. So, they’re pretty important. This being said, don’t choose a photo that has a ton of filters, trying to make you match the beauty standard. It’s much better to choose a photo that shows off your beautiful natural features and has your personality in it. 

Avoid common phrases 

“Cute enough to take your breath away, but smart enough to bring it back” 

“Felt cute, might delete later” 

“Naughty or nice? You decide”

These are phrases we have heard and seen before millions of times; using common phrases like the ones above, isn’t going to capture anyone’s attention. If anything, phrases like these might even give people the wrong idea about you. Instead, try to think of something original to write in your profile. You can write about your passions, your career, the people you love, a quote that really describes your personality, your favorite books, your favorite movies, your hobbies– the possibilities are endless. Writing about things you love gives prospective matches something to start a conversation about, and after starting it, the conversation will flow much more smoothly; you’ll get to skip the small talk part. 

People don’t want to waste their time 

People go on dating sites for multiple different reasons. Some are looking for their soulmate, a long-term relationship that can end in a marriage. Others are looking for someone to explore their sexual orientation with, someone to date casually, or someone who has the same sexual desires as them. It’s much better to find out your prospective match’s intentions sooner than later, so you don’t waste each other’s time– no one wants that. 

Since dating apps have very large user-bases, it can be really hard to find people who share your sexual interests, especially if they’re not that common. In this case, it would be better to check out sites that are more specific to what you are looking for; you can check out the best BDSM dating sites and wealthy dating sites, to find a larger community of people who share your interests. 

People don’t want to be ghosted 

It’s obviously totally OK if you feel like the match isn’t going to work out. However, you should strive to end the conversation in the most non-awkward and respectful way possible. The best thing to do in this case is to be as straightforward as possible. People will definitely appreciate it if you’re honest about your feelings and don’t waste their time. Always let them know as soon as you feel like it’s not going to work out, don’t wait to tell them – and definitely don’t ghost them, it’s really just not a respectful thing to do, and will leave the other person in a really awkward position. Honesty is the best policy.

There you have it. These were the three most important online dating secrets. Now you know all about what love seekers are looking for, and what you should be avoiding. You are officially ready to get started on your online dating journey.

Adam Mulligan , a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle.