Mom! I don’t want to eat this. Quiet! You will be thrashed if you throw another tantrum. The needs to control and dictate everything in the child’s life are a few things I can point out from the top of my head. The dependency and spoon-feeding of the child is the reason most of the parent men, fail at adulting.
It does not just stop here. Parents often refuse to change with the times but not only hold back their own growth but also the growth of their children. Prevalent beliefs and customs are considered a rebellion of every dreams and desires. The most commonly used phrase by the parents in India is maar padegi (you will be thrashed). Recapitulating the horrific times and other nostalgic memories that ‘I use to get hit by my parents when I was young’ is a part of growing up. However, it is not. Not every child takes such modes of schooling lightly and some are left scarred for a whole life.
Slap is a threatful scar in teenager’s memories
Fathers in few families are considered an introvert and alcoholic being controlling the kids’ education and thrashing on not scoring good scores. But an obvious feeling for many parents is that a single slap can destroy the self-confidence in the children and ruin the bonding relationship with their parents building hate in them.[adthrive-in-post-video-player video-id=”b4bCV7e4″ upload-date=”2020-01-22T06:00:00.000Z” name=”Chris Laird: The Importance of Family Therapy” description=”Chris Laird is a family therapist and author. He attended Wayne State University in Detroit.” player-type=”default” override-embed=”default”]
So, the threatful phrase should be replaced with more understanding between parents and the children, one that will make a child independent with the rights of an individual. Rather than instilling fear among the children, parents must work on developing lovable bonds with the kids.
A threat may not hold a value of the power of discussion for a few parents. So such words must be put to rest and parents must be patient with children.
Children are individuals and not puppets
Children are logical individuals and are more than they ever were during our parents’ times. Nowadays, children do not want them to be controlled. They tend to demand a safe haven full of esteem and honour, valuing the respect and understanding themselves intimately without the parents moving the strings.
Puppets depict a full verve and confidence expressing huge charm where they don’t have any ego but unlike maverick parents that impose their life as storytelling of puppetry.
Cultural norms: Ayah or nanny
Often homes will have a separate quarter for ayah or nanny who is still away from her husband and kids. A membership to the children’s museum will have three passes-two for the parents and one for the nanny or ayah. So it’s a long term relationship where caretakers are the family members.
Quality family time can build bonds
My favourite food is chick-pea gravy served with a deep-fried piece of dough best enjoyed with the family walking down the evening lanes when things are quiet and the traffic is not insane and the heat is bearable and a clean guy with a stand would be found serving thousands in the queue. This strengthens the parent-child relationship.So damn good.
Jashan Jot Kaur is a researcher at Punjab Agricultural University, Ludhiana.