If you grew up with a hoarding parent, you know how the experience – and later, the memory – can weigh heavily on you. The constant mess, the inability to bring friends over, and the feeling that everything is out of control can stay with you long after you leave home.

This article takes an in-depth look at the emotional struggles of growing up in a hoarded home, the challenges of leaving, and the effects that linger even after you’re gone. Especially, when you are not there and have to order hoarding cleaning services  and then try to explain it to your parents. We’ll also cover the lessons you can take from the experience and how you can take steps to move forward.

Emotional weight of growing up with a hoarding parent

Growing up in a hoarded home isn’t only about dealing with physical clutter; it’s about how that environment shapes your world. As a child, you might have felt isolated. Maybe you avoided bringing friends over because you were embarrassed or afraid of what they might think. This sense of shame can follow you for years, making it hard to open up to others, even when you’re away from that home.

The anxiety can be constant. Living in a space where things are piled up and chaotic can make you feel trapped. Maybe you even asked yourself why things couldn’t be different and why your parent wouldn’t simply clean up. When the mess becomes a source of tension and frustration, it can lead to feelings of helplessness and anxiety that creep into other areas of your life, even after you’ve left.

The struggle to leave home

Leaving home is never easy, but it’s even harder when you’re torn between caring for your parent and caring for yourself. Growing up, you probably saw how much the hoarding hurt them, even if they never admitted it. The thought of leaving might have filled you with guilt because you didn’t want to abandon them. After all, they’re your parent, and you love them.

At the same time, you probably realised that staying wasn’t an option. Living in that cluttered space was damaging to your mental and emotional health. You needed to get out, to find a place where you could breathe and start taking care of yourself.

This creates an emotional tug-of-war. On one side, you want to stay and help your parent, but on the other, you know that leaving is the right choice for your own well-being. And even after you leave, you might still feel responsible for their situation, which can add to the weight you already carry.

Living with the guilt and the weight of ongoing hoarding

Leaving doesn’t mean the emotional burden disappears. You might still worry about your parent, knowing they’re living in the same hoarded environment. It can feel like you’re stuck between wanting to help and knowing that no matter how much you want them to change, they may never do it.

One of the hardest parts of this situation is learning how to set boundaries. You still care about your parent, but you need to protect your own mental health. Setting limits on how much you’re involved in their life or the state of their home can be tough, but it’s necessary.

These boundaries might look different for everyone. Many people don’t visit their homes as often, or maybe don’t visit at all. For others, it involves limiting conversations about the hoarding. Whatever your boundaries are, they should be about making sure you have the space you need to live your life without being pulled back into the chaos.

It’s also hard to shake the guilt. You might feel like you’re abandoning your parent or not doing enough to help. But the truth is, hoarding is a deeply ingrained issue that you can’t fix for them. It’s okay to step back and take care of yourself.

Lessons and personal growth

Growing up with a hoarding parent teaches you a lot about control – or lack thereof. In your childhood, you probably had no say in what the home looked like, and that can create a strong desire for control in your adult life. Many people who grew up in hoarded homes tend to be very organised as adults because they want to create a sense of order they never had before.

But it’s important to find balance. While it’s great to keep a tidy home, you don’t want to become too focused on control. It’s okay for things not to be perfect all the time, and learning to be at peace with that is an important part of personal growth.

Your experience also likely shaped your mental health. You might have had to deal with anxiety, guilt, or even depression as a result of living in that environment. Seeking therapy or talking to others who understand can be incredibly helpful in working through these emotions. Therapy can help you unpack the feelings of shame or anger that might still be lingering from your childhood.

Setting boundaries is another big lesson. You learn that it’s okay to say no and to protect your own space, even when it involves someone you love. Building your life outside of your parent’s home – whether through relationships, hobbies, or creating your own peaceful environment – is a key step in moving forward.

Message of hope and inspiration

If you grew up with a hoarding parent, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of guilt and worry. But the truth is that you have the power to take control of your own life. You don’t have to be defined by the chaos of your upbringing.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love your parent. It means you’re choosing to prioritise your well-being, and that’s okay. You can still offer support from a distance, but it’s important to protect your own mental health. 

It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this situation, and there are resources available to help. In fact, therapy can be a game-changer when it comes to dealing with the emotions tied to growing up in a hoarded home. Support groups for children of hoarders can also provide a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others who’ve been through it.

Remember: it’s okay to put yourself first. You can still care for your parent while building a healthy, fulfilling life for yourself.

Additionally, it’s important to highlight the increasing incidence of hoarding in Canada, with notable rises in urban areas such as Toronto. This trend was documented by VHA Home Healthcare in a report by CTVNews. Hence, if you are going through it, you are not alone.

Take the next step: prioritise your well-being

If you’re struggling with the emotional toll of growing up in a hoarded home, don’t hesitate to seek help. Whether it’s therapy, support groups, or simply talking to someone who understands, taking that step is important for your mental health.

You don’t have to stay stuck in the past. By setting boundaries, seeking support, and building a life outside of the hoarded home, you can create a sense of peace and control for yourself. You are not defined by your parent’s hoarding – you have the power to shape your own life.

Tim Williamson, a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle.